Decision to write

“The unexamined life is not worth living.”
Socrates

After many years I “pick-up pen” (or keyboard) and begin to write again.  In my teens and early 20s I use to write regularly in a journal, but somewhere in my mid-20s I put aside the journals — reason why?  At the most “shallow” level I can blame being busy with career, wife, and budding family.  I’m pretty sure there is a deeper reason.  Perhaps I didn’t want others to have “access” to those deeper, very personal thoughts — there is a voice deep inside that says, “its not what a Man should be writing and certainly not sharing openly.”  Which brings me to my first quote (I love the simplicity and brevity of a good quote—and will use them often):

“Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.”      Henry David Thoreau

I’ve had some very good friendships over the years and while it is probably overstating the issue, I think Henry David Thoreau has a point.  Men/Women are often trying to “find themselves” and make sense of this life.  How very sad that it seems so many don’t do “their own work” and find the “song” that God has placed in them.  

In my own experience, I found my writing was focused in trying to “find myself” via two primary means:

• A deep spiritual awakening, or

• Through someone else via a romantic relationship.  

In fact, in my early journals I often found myself wrestling with either the deepest thoughts of life and death or the most shallow of questions such as,  “does she still like me?”  Maybe one reason I quit writing was that I found my “spiritual base” of what I believed at 16, and when I got married I didn’t have to wrestle with the dating/personal guy/girl relationship issues (though marriage offers a whole new set of issues and I still sometimes ask, “does she still like me.”  :)).  I also began teaching in various church/home groups and would spend a lot of the spiritual reflection time used previously in journaling  preparing for those lessons.  Regardless of why I quit, I think it is time to pick-up the practice again, especially as I enter “middle age” — midlife crisis seems to be a great time to reflect. 🙂

What has really helped convince me to start writing now, and in a somewhat public fashion,  is through the influence of my second daughter, Courtney.  Courtney started writing publicly in a wordpress blog entitled, “the other Courtney,” and I rediscovered the joy of reading deeper thoughts of personal life and getting to know my amazing daughter on a deeper level via her writing.  My oldest daughter, Charlotte, just started writing a blog as well entitled, “canyousaymama.” 🙂

Admittedly the thought of doing this in such a public way causes me concern — which is why I’ll will be putting a password on some of my writings.  I’m still not comfortable with just having all my deepest thoughts, observations, emotions, and questions hanging out there for anyone to read.  But I see this as being such an interesting way to examine life and share those “examinations” with those I care and love so deeply.

Which brings me to a favorite quote by Socrates, “The unexamined life is not worth living.”  I believe the reason why men (and women) tend to live “quiet lives of desperation” is that they don’t take time to examine their lives, test their motives, thoughts, and actions, and spend more time “reflecting.”

Courtney has also introduced me to a new book entitled, “Loving what is ” by  Byron Katie that uses a “query” method of looking at our thoughts differently —  the underpinning theme of the books is “examining your life” and changing the way you think about things.  Along the same lines is a book  I’m reading with a “Home Study Group” entitled, “The 4:8 Principle” (Philppians  4:8).  Between those books and this new wordpress blog, I hope to once again examine and document life on a different level.

So those of you who want to occasionally read my ramblings and thoughts, I welcome you– with hopes that the personally examined and shared life will also mean deeper, more meaningful relationships.